Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
