How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
