He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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