Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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