Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
