Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
