I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
