If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
