I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
