forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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