just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
