I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
