I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You've changed since you got that strap on
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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