My nipple is on Facebook.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
