Your dad touched me again.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
