Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
