rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
