batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
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my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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