he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
