Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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