I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
