It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
