oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
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i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
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WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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