He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
