You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
