I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
