We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
