So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
