Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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