I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
