did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
