tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
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his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
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Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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