I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
that's an acceptable place to lick
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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