The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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