I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
