My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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