i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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