At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
