Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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