He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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