I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
