i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
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Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
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just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default