I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face