she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
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Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months