he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.