we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
