Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
