why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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