Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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