oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just want nice things and good sex
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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