I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
