I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
