dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
