he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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