He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize