I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
