it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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