there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize