dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I did not marry a roomba.
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