So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Did I show you my penis last night?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
