Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
