Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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