I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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