...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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