so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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