just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
