i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
