Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize