i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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