Ambien. No doubt about it.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
