alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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