The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
whose parrot is this?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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