This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
