put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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