Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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