I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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