I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
