i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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