i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
