Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
