your parents love me but you hate me
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
