if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
