Walk of Shame. In a state park.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
