she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
