Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
