i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You're a waste of cheezeits
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
