I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
