I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Randomize
