is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
