Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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