By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
